I broke my Twitter account trying to detox and now I’d like you to follow my new one

Tell me you f’d up without telling me you f’d up, I’ll go first.

As the years have passed, I’ve accumulated quite a few accounts across social media. In fact, in the not too distant past, I could have logged into any one of nearly 80 accounts on more than a dozen different sites – which is itself an horrific thought.

Why so many? Well, that’s kind of an easy one to explain actually – at least in part. As a digital and social media producer, I try my damn hardest to keep up with the overflowing stream of new apps and features on the market – trying to make sense of the landscape and make the most of every potential opportunity for digital news content (might use that line on my next cover letter…).

And sometimes you don’t want to post random graphics tests on your personal account, definitely not the corporate account, so I’d make a temp. And another. And. Another.

You can see why it wouldn’t take long for it all to start to add up.

So in true pandemic spirit, I’ve had a clear out and binned most of them (well, of my personal accounts – not too sure my boss would appreciate me closing @skynews).

Then I got to my own Twitter account, and that’s when the fun began.

It’s nearly ten years to the dot when I first created this Twitter account. It was my fourth at the time, having learned the hard way what not to post and surged the internet of a few bad starts until I settled on what later became @iamsamgould.

And with ten years worth of tweets, RT’s, and likes, I built a bot (you may have noticed, sorry) to do all the heavy-lifting and clear it out for me.

Sadly, it would seem that Twitter didn’t approve and restricted parts of my account.

Instead of having a nice clean slate for the new year, I have a semi-accessible account with a pile of old content I can’t get rid of, a bot I can’t manage, and an entirely broken likes page.

It was at that point I finally gave in and listened the advice of many friends who had been spammed by the bot (so sorry, again) and opened a new account. As I’m typing this out I realise how daft I sound, but it seems that making a new account really is the best way to detox. Who knew.

Now I just need to find a new use for my Raspberry Pi.

Also, I’d like you to follow my new account because it’s awfully quiet over there. I can’t guarantee the jokes will get any better – in fact, they’ll probably get a lot worse.

To ironically quote Twitter, I’m sorry or you’re welcome.